Take Paul's Cat, Please!

Free to Good Home or Mediocre Chinese Restaurant

One Extremely Large, Moderately Entertaining Cat

Answers to Natasha, or more commonly, Fat A$$, Fat Fatty Fat Fat, Dumb Sh!t, Fatty McFatstein, etc.

Rubics cube is provided for scale and is not included in this giveaway

Physical Characteristics Include:

• Morbid Obesity
• Random, asthetically confusing multi-colored markings, giving her the appearance of a pigmentally mutated bovine.
• One crumpled ear
• Crossed eyes, granting her a perpetual air of confusion
• Kitty tourettes
• Butt clumps
• Litter toes 
• Belly flop
• Nails-on-a-chalkboard meow
• Multi-colored/shaped/textured hairballs left in inappropriate places
• Walking results in household tremors
• Communicates with a voice similar to Eric Cartman
• Terrible at math

Personality Characteristics Include:

• Extreme stupidity (even for a cat)
• Lack of social awareness
• Lack of consideration for personal space
• 
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  Only surviving stem of what could
  have been a thriving houseplant

  Lack of consideration for personal property
• Cannot cover her own poo
• Will not go more than 12 minutes without a meal
• Refuses to allow my heritage shamrock to sprout without being promptly eaten
• Cannot keep her disgusting hair to herself
• Refuses to do laundry or clean up when humans are away

Please reply to this advert to make this mutant feline a part of your family. Better yours than mine...

Disclaimer: You may have to engage Paul in hand-to-hand combat to succeed in removing Natasha from our home.