Free to Good Home or Mediocre Chinese Restaurant
One Extremely Large, Moderately Entertaining Cat
Answers to Natasha, or more commonly, Fat A$$, Fat Fatty Fat Fat, Dumb Sh!t, Fatty McFatstein, etc.
|Rubics cube is provided for scale and is not included in this giveaway|
Physical Characteristics Include:
- Morbid Obesity
- Random, asthetically confusing multi-colored markings, giving her the appearance of a pigmentally mutated bovine.
- One crumpled ear
- Crossed eyes, granting her a perpetual air of confusion
- Kitty tourettes
- Butt clumps
- Litter toes
- Belly flop
- Nails-on-a-chalkboard meow
- Multi-colored/shaped/textured hairballs left in inappropriate places
- Walking results in household tremors
- Communicates with a voice similar to Eric Cartman
- Terrible at math
Personality Characteristics Include:
- Extreme stupidity (even for a cat)
- Lack of social awareness
- Lack of consideration for personal space
Only surviving stem of what could
have been a thriving houseplant
- Will not go more than 12 minutes without a meal
- Refuses to allow my heritage shamrock to sprout without being promptly eaten
- Cannot keep her disgusting hair to herself
- Refuses to do laundry or clean up when humans are away
Please reply to this advert to make this mutant feline a part of your family. Better yours than mine...
Disclaimer: You may have to engage Paul in hand-to-hand combat to succeed in removing Natasha from our home.