Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Take Paul's Cat, Please!

Free to Good Home or Mediocre Chinese Restaurant

One Extremely Large, Moderately Entertaining Cat

Answers to Natasha, or more commonly, Fat A$$, Fat Fatty Fat Fat, Dumb Sh!t, Fatty McFatstein, etc.

Rubics cube is provided for scale and is not included in this giveaway

Physical Characteristics Include:
  • Morbid Obesity
  • Random, asthetically confusing multi-colored markings, giving her the appearance of a pigmentally mutated bovine.
  • One crumpled ear
  • Crossed eyes, granting her a perpetual air of confusion
  • Kitty tourettes
  • Butt clumps
  • Litter toes 
  • Belly flop
  • Nails-on-a-chalkboard meow
  • Multi-colored/shaped/textured hairballs left in inappropriate places
  • Walking results in household tremors
  • Communicates with a voice similar to Eric Cartman
  • Terrible at math
Personality Characteristics Include:
  • Extreme stupidity (even for a cat)
  • Lack of social awareness
  • Lack of consideration for personal space
    Only surviving stem of what could
    have been a thriving houseplant
    Lack of consideration for personal property
  • Cannot cover her own poo
  • Will not go more than 12 minutes without a meal
  • Refuses to allow my heritage shamrock to sprout without being promptly eaten
  • Cannot keep her disgusting hair to herself
  • Refuses to do laundry or clean up when humans are away
Please reply to this advert to make this mutant feline a part of your family. Better yours than mine...

Disclaimer: You may have to engage Paul in hand-to-hand combat to succeed in removing Natasha from our home.


Erica said...

I'm so glad that you and Natasha are getting on so well...

Peggy said...

Cute post.