Why I've Been Missing

See the Number 1 item on this list...that about sums it up. I don't want to be that person.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-worst-types-blog-internet/

Also, I know that by posting this I'm making myself guilty of item Number 5. Totally worth it.

My blog, up to a certain point, served to document my foray into a new life. Well...the new life is not so new anymore and I've settled into the more mundane aspects of existence. I want to write about those things just about as much as you want to read about them. I know this because I'm bored with a million other blogs just like mine.

See ya 'round!
-Heather

The Cure

I never knew that such animosity could be followed so quickly by an equal if not greater amount of love and affection.

Meet my birthday present, Bowie.

Stupid dog.

I love him.

Did Someone Drop A Fertility Bomb?

I have been continuously asked the same two questions in the last (almost) three weeks:

1) How's married life?
Answer: Um...exactly the same, thank you. (Yeah. We've lived together for a year and a half. Was something supposed to change?)

2) When are you going to have a baby?
Answer: Ok, there is no answer to this one. Just evade, evade, evade!

How is it okay for someone to ask that?

In the meantime, there are newborn babies everywhere I look. Multiple facebook friends are either pregnant, overdue, or have recently had a baby. Every other blog I click on features photos of brand new babies. Baby clothes and baby furniture and baby stories shared by new moms who are the only ones in the world who could possibly understand what it means to be a parent.


And kids. Photos of kids who are the spitting image of their parents, wrapped in an embrace that is only comfortable when shared with those who formed you. Stories of the funny things kids say while being tucked into bed, and the messy art projects that are made with love and presented with pride.

I'd be lying if I didn't say my green monster is rearing its ugly, intrusive head. So, in the meantime, I'm thinking a garden will do. I mean, if you're not going to grow one thing, you might as well grow another, right?

It must be a spring thing...



Families--familial resemblance not required.



The Segue

All in all, the wedding turned out pretty much how I wanted it to. It was laid back, casual and fun. I had fun, anyway...I hope other people did, too. If you ask my new mother in law, it was beautiful and brilliant and just right for us. And that was the most important thing for me--that it be 'us'.

I surprised myself by not being nervous. Anxious, maybe, but not nervous. I didn't shake, I didn't sweat...I didn't even turn splotchy red! (thank goodness...). As I walked down the aisle on my dad's arm, I did feel my composure slipping away, but I looked up and saw my almost-husband, and suddenly the world was gone.

I feared that I would go into auto-mode and say my vows mechanically, but I didn't. I absorbed every word the chaplain said and I meant with all my heart every word that I said to Paul (except the whole submit thing. Whoops.). I cried as I knew I would, but delicately I think, and not the kind of tears that kill my voice and crumple my face.

The thing was done so quickly, and before I realized what had happened, we were being announced, for the first time, Paul and Heather Abundis. And you couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

Guess What We Did??

The Countdown Has Commenced

This is the beginning of my last week as a Miss. Not that I'm expecting much of a change, aside from my name and my ability to say 'my husband.'

It's a silly thing, but for almost two years I've cringed every time I've had to say 'my boyfriend' or heard Paul say 'my girlfriend.' The connotation behind the words seemed so inadequate to describe what he means to me, and hopefully what I mean to him.

And to say fiance? It seems so pretentious. I feel as if my nose turns up as I sound out the syllables. But to say my husband...it is the most natural thing in the world. The era of cringing is almost over.

I'm nervous, but not about the typical things. There are no cold feet huddling in the shoes of this bride-to-be. No, I'm nervous that I've forgotten an important detail because of my lack of list-making. Each plan is safely stored in my head and no other place, and I have no idea if I've hit each point or missed a giant glaring necessity.

I'm nervous at the thought of 80 of my closest friends and family staring at me. I didn't even think about it until I attended my own bridal shower and realized that 15 ladies were there for me. I didn't do well, and that makes me nervous about how much worse it will be for the actual wedding. My plan is to focus on Paul and pretend the rest of you aren't there. But if I'm shaking and sweating and dizzy and my chest and neck are red and splotchy, please do me the courtesy of pretending I'm not there. I've made my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

As my mom always says, at the end of the day we will be married, and that's all that matters. What it comes down to is that I want this to be a fun day for everyone. I don't want it to be about me...I want it to be for everyone--a family celebration and a cultural tradition.

I want to enjoy myself, I want to make memories, and I want it to be over.

Just a Moment, Let Me Check. Yup--I Do Have a Pulse

I wouldn't blame you if you've assumed that I've died--flattened by some runaway delivery truck or poisoned by copious amounts of milk and cucumber, or a jealous ex-lover. Although...if you're reading this you are probably related to me, and thereby know that I am neither flattened nor poisoned nor terminated by any other traumatic event. I'm just...lazy. And maybe uninspired.

Although I've laid down my pen these past few months I've never stopped reading, and by reading I think I've come to understand what I dislike about my blog. Simply put, people's lives are boring. Especially people who think their lives are amazingly interesting. I don't want to read about it, and I really don't want to write about it, and I'm afraid that's the direction that my words were beginning to head.

So I guess the bottom line is this: I need a theme. Or at least a hobby. Or even an existential occurance. I don't know.

So, while I haven't actually written anything, you should probably know that I think about this every single day, and every single day I fail to conceive any idea that I find worthy of putting to paper.

But I won't stop trying.

January.

Things I haven't been blogging about:

• Wedding planning. It's a subject that terrifies me continually and would bore you to tears.
• The kids. They're growing and changing and presenting new challenges in my ongoing attempts at being a good stepmom.
• The complete inertia that always seems to linger around January and February.
• School. It's almost over, but not soon enough.
• Lady Looney and the Cheeseburger. Active annoyance has settled into resigned acceptance.
• Anything else? What do you want to hear me say?

In the meantime, here is a picture of my sisters' and my feet. Also Cyan's.