Paul and I are not engaged, but I've started to plan our wedding. Technicalities be darned...I only have six months to do this.
I'm about a week into this state of mind, and I already want to shoot myself. Or...just jet off to the courthouse and get it over with. I'm not a fan of weddings, and I hate planning. I'm overwhelmed. I'm annoyed. I'm feeling broke. I need a game plan.
Fortunately for me I have Tiffany, party planner extraordinaire. She might save my sanity, my reputation (as a non-psycho), and my skin.
My mom has always said, usually whispered to me in the pre-ceremony hush, "At the end of the day, they'll be married; no matter what happens." If I remember that and maintain my usual chill (yes, I'm chill dangit!), we should all survive this ordeal.
I'm not the type of girl who has dreamed of her wedding day since she was wearing diapers. I hadn't even thought about it until fairly recently. So I have no ideals, no deeply-seated desires, no visions of how the day should be.
I think my biggest fear is the idea of people looking at me. I hate being at the center of attention, and I hate the idea of a whole day just for me. That statement alone bugs me. Over and over I've told Paul that it's our day. There is no "me" in this. And over and over he says, "But really, the wedding is for the bride." I don't want it to be for the bride. I want it to be for us!
Get that through your head please, my darling. I don't want my own wedding. I want our wedding.
So I've just taken my first concrete step. Maybe it's a little out of order, but who cares. I have an appointment at a bridal salon, and the thought makes me want to throw up a little. Me? In a dress? I guess I'll have to shave my legs...
I'm thinking about something like this. What do you think?
I hate weddings. But I want one.